Trying Desperately Not to Abandon My WIP

I've been struggling with my current work in progress, and I've seriously been considering putting it aside for the moment.

I genuinely think it's helpful at times to step away from a project, but under the right circumstances.

After some time, some serious thought, and an honest word with myself, I think if I step away right now, I would be dooming my WIP to abandonment.

I don't think I'd be stepping away from THIS project for the right reasons.

Here's why:

It's Just Too Complicated

For one, I've built this WIP in my head to be very complicated.

And it is, to an extent. I'm braiding several elements of storytelling together to create a framework for the protagonist to understand herself and her environment. And that's hard!

But probably not as hard as I'm making it out to be. Realistically, it's probably just a few plot holes away from being just fine.

It All Needs To Be Rewritten

I'm convinced it already needs a rewrite. ... I'm not even at the midpoint yet.

What's worse: a few chapters ago, I already went back and rewrote the first arc. So I can't even say I'm doing it for the sake of comfort.

I am still very much in the trenches in my fight with confidence and imposter syndrome. So I know the answer is to just keep writing, get the story out there, and go back when it's all laid out in front of me like a map ... but there's a voice in my head telling me I'm ruining it with every step along the way.

So Much Research

I still need to do a fair amount of on sort of crucial things that I have no experience in.

For example, there's a chapter spent following a veterinary technician on her daily duties at an animal shelter for a whole day.

THIS is an interesting example, because I personally know a vet tech which in theory will make the research easier.

But I have to research little bits, then write the scene to really understand the purpose of the scene at all, then go back and interview this person, rewrite the scene, then present the scene for inspection.

Which isn't all that much work for one scene. But that's just one.

I also have a scene following a firefighter on a routine call, a librarian on a typical day, a young soldier being honored at a banquet, and a couple more I haven't even nailed down yet.

And I'm really lucky to know the vet tech. I know a volunteer firefighter, but not a professional one. I'm acquaintances with a librarian, so I'm hoping she'll be open picking her brain over coffee. And the only soldier I know hasn't been young in a long time. (Sorry Dad.)

I know this is just the way of writing a young adult problem novel - lots of research in every direction to back up your claims and theme - but this one is still the most intimidating.

This is the First Draft!

Now, in all that serious thought and honest conversations with myself, I did remember that Terry Pratchett quote: "The first draft is just you telling yourself the story."

Get the first draft down and edit it right later.

Remembering that is a win at least. Yay!

But that remembering was followed up with teh thought: "I'm going to be editing this book for years. Maybe it's not worth that time."

Aaaaaaand, back where we started.

Also...

Finally, though I'm ashamed to say this, a shiny new idea has popped up out of nowhere is begging for my attention.

And I know that it's just because I haven't started working on it, I haven't tried to make the world make sense yet, or delve into the characters yet, but it's trying to tell me that it would be so much easier to write.

So...

I think this is what they mean when they say all writers are haunted.

Haunted by our own exhausted and terrified brains, incapable of consuming a very specific kind of logic.

In actually, when I take a step back or pretend to be counseling a friend instead of myself, I know none of these things are as bad as my brain has made them out to be. They just seem big from where I'm standing in the middle of the story.

And I'm positive that stepping away would jus make them seem even more monstrous than they already are.

So I'm going to push through. Reaching and cursing all the way. Wish me luck!*

*And company if you'd like! With the biggest life change I've ever expereinced rapidly approaching and struggles with writing like these, I'm looking for a writing group! My goals are to give myself a bit of push when motivation is low, remind my brain that I'm not the worst writer to ever live, and to make sure I talk out loud with other adults at least sometimes. If you know of anyone accepting new members, please let me know!